You know the more, now that you have washer, dryer, dishwasher, perfect kind of Hoover, air conditioned, central heated, Mercedes Benz car…laptop computer (laughs) and your still busy arent you? time saving devices…it’s parkinsons law that you fill up time you know, where those Korean Bhikkunis having to wash there robes in a cold mountain steam and there whole life is around meditation…but anyway its societies like THIS….just to recognise living in London, its like THIS which is not a criticism but acknowledging the way it affects you. You can always imagine a better place than your in. Establishing awareness, here and now Dhamma…its not when you can move out of London and move to a better place than the one your in…its more opening to the present moment its like THIS.
So then in daily life no matter how busy you are, i encourage you to take time and stop being caught in the momentum of busyness because its easy to do that….you gotta do this or you gotta do that – you gotta telephone somebody and then send an email, answer an email – i get email’s all the time you know, i don’t answer a lot of them. Im not going to be intimidated by this crazy world im living in.
In your life just take time to stop, just this sense of stopping and opening when you find yourself in that moment – oh im caught up, this thing, the next thing and the next thing……just say to yourself STOP and relax and open – try to listen to the sound of silence. And even if you cant notice it, just that stopping just being caught in that momentum of busyness of compulsion, you know that compulsive busyness…one thing to the next and notice how thought is always one thought to the other its a dualistic world, a conditioned world that we bind ourselves in – going from one thing to the other, until we get tired and go to bed – we get up and then we do this and we do that, running around one thing after the other..now thats going from one condition to another, to another, to another then the thinking is like…even though its nonsense is going from one though to the next and then we have our own obsessions our own karmic obsessions you know, where we worry about this and you know…we get caught up in our own particular conditioning and programming – worry worry worry – meeting the deadline – DEADLINE its always like this and just noticing this feeling just by observing this in myself – this sense of feeling there’s always something else, something I have to do, something that needs to be done!
So then the stopping and reflecting just stopping and being the KNOWER of this feeling – not trying to suppress it but recognise it – that recognition of that compulsive momentum…..well thats Paccuppannadhamma – its like THIS …this feeling of rushing…of going onto the next thing – meeting the deadline, so much to do, so much pressure, its like THIS. Now staying with that, even for a moment is better than not doing it at all – just being a helpless victim of compulsive habits, until you burn out – break down (laughs) so its running like a motor car until it just breaks down, not reading the signs. You see in your life, your the one has, this is your life – don’t be intimidated by it or just become a victim of habits.
So even in monastic life, get into compulsiveness – I was a very busy person before i was a monk – going through University and graduate school with this incredible pressure and it conditions you to do that, even when its not necessary. You become conditioned to this compulsive momentum. So even in bring that into monastic life i had to tell myself…sometimes you have to do anything…going nowhere, doing nothing – i just kind of say that to myself and I have this kind of relief because it kind of stops this blind momentum of compulsive busyness.
Then with the sound of silence as you develop that like counting to five, sometimes i get caught into this compulsive busyness – i just suddenly see it and become very astute in recognising this habit and then I would say to myself – doing nothing, going nowhere, being nobody – Sound of Silence 1, 2…..Im still with the sound of silence because im counting…. at the same time ..1,2,3,4,5 that was a way of just stopping and suddenly you notice there is a change or i would be carrying something, some resentment towards somebody and feel really annoyed or averse to somebody in the monastery and then I would recognise and then counting to five and the sound of silence – sometimes i couldn’t even remember who i was angry with – who was i so annoyed with? It would take me a while to remember….where before when your angry with someone…whatever your doing, your carrying it around – you go into your kuti …nah, nah, blah (moaning sounds) that person and you go out into the garden – nah, nah, blah you go into the Ashridge, Little Gaddesden etc and your carrying this person all the way, have you ever done that ?
Then your remembering the sound of silence…boost it up to 10 – you know you don’t need to make this into a big project, so you have to stop everything and go off to a monastery and sit and meditate – you can do this in your office or in your car…..just a way of stopping and cultivating this and after a while the accumulative effect is very good…so if you think “I dont have time to meditate im just too busy” …”I have too many responsibilities” be aware of that…this kind of attitude – too busy too many responsibilities – its not that your trying to suppress that feeling but recognise it rather than just being propelled into it blindly and keep you going until u burn out and faint with exhaustion and maybe take to drink or drugs – but this is much better…its skillful.
You know meditation is really learning to understand the human mind – learning to live in the sense realm, the conditioned realm without becoming a victim of conditioning. Most people are victims of there conditioning. You get born into this family and you get all there problems, your parents, your ancestors – you inherit all there prejudices, phobias, biases, tendencies and then you get conditioned into your school and achievement and deadlines, tests, examinations, tests – on and on like this – so we’re easily programmed, we become programmed and become creatures of habit and some of the habits can be good habits – habits are not always necessarily bad but even good habits are not liberating – so just recognising the conditioning, the thinking process.
Emotional habits, this is not an attack on habits – the conditioned realm is like THIS – you don’t live just in the unconditioned then destroy all the conditions. The unconditioned then gives you the freedom from the conditions, this does not mean you don’t experience the conditions – it just means you have freedom and you are no longer blinded and caught in habitual behaviour when you realise the unconditioned….the deathless – there is the unborn. So there is the unconditioned, if there was not the unconditioned there would be no escape from the conditioned – but there is the unconditioned and therefore an escape from the conditioned. That escape from the conditioned is mindfulness, but escape from the conditioned does not mean turning your back on it or destroying it – its in just recognising – most human beings do not recognise the condition as that, they become identified, attached, habituated victims of the conditions. We have delicate natures, we’re frightened, we have neurotic problems about ourselves, self aversion, feeling of being unloved, unwanted, not appreciated, not good enough…..then it goes the other way maybe we’re feeling megalomania, arrogant conceited, thinking your better than others but those people are harder to teach – the ones that actually believe they are the best.
But when your self critical and discourage yourself its kind of going in the right direction but with the wrong interpretation. You know, when you see your faults and see weaknesses and inadequacies in yourself and you kind of discourage yourself at least your aware of suffering but the interpretation of it is wrong . It is always from “its me, its MY problem” “im not any good because of this…” “I cant do that…” The right way to see it, is to see conditions as conditions then any sense of self – whether “im the best” or “im the worst” is conditioned and that awareness of it is just enough – thats the escape, not a matter of anhiliating the self, its just letting go of it. So even if forget all this and you get caught up for months in a whirlpool of compulsiveness and suddenly you will remember and STOP … make it something simple like this….4 letters. Just by saying that to yourself you begin to be aware of this compulsive momentum of habit.
Its like a stop sign, your in a rush to go somewhere – appointment or deadline to meet – urgent meeting and your slightly late and your in a rush and the traffic light goes into red “whens it going to change!” when your in that state it seems forever – its never going to change. You want to get to the office and your late and the traffic light turns red – “whens it going to change” “I think its stuck” its like an eternity…….”for the rest of my life i will be stuck” thats what it seems like. Compulsive momentum, this restless feeling, its really unpleasant….wanting to push against anything because you want to get somewhere so your body is here and want to get into the office – your mind is already in the office! but due to circumstances your body has to stop. These are moments just to observe this, this restless, compulsive pushiness of the mind. Then if you can stop and notice the sound of silence. If you do then count, the kind of counting that helps you sustain your attention on it – otherwise its so easy the compulsive energy can be so strong it can be hard to get a perspective on it – you recognise then are propelled right back into it again. Thats why we use words like “calm down”, “going nowhere, doing nothing” the sense of just stopping and resting just for a few seconds is better than not doing it at all.
So do not make grandiose determinations that you can never fulfil – just doing the best you can, and when you have that moment – no matter how many times you fail and get whirled away by pressures and habits , that one moment you suddenly realise don’t disparage yourself but just be grateful for that – so more and more you are beginning to cultivate and develop awareness. So not just being compulsive about being aware…that doesn’t work, you grasp the idea of mindfulness and then your “gotta be mindful, gotta be mindful” and then when you do something like drop the cup, break the very valuable antique vase – oh! im heedless “meditation is doing me no good because i break things, im clumsy” so then you start disparaging yourself. STOP determined not to follow that with self hatred, self criticism, despair, aversion, its like THIS…your not completing the habitual pattern.
The self view is you try to be mindful and you make some blunder and then you “oh, i cant do it, im so heedless and clumsy” blah blah blah….stop doing that. Determined not to disparage yourself, no matter how many Antique vases you break, start always in the present – its HERE and NOW and be grateful for this moment of suddenly realising – capturing yourself at this moment – at this moment you are not caught in that momentum, compulsion. Gently tell yourself to relax and open yourself for just a few seconds, at least your breaking through, breaking the spiral and momentum. Then as you recognise the value of that more and more your not just creating ideas about meditating and failing and not being able to do it and you create another habit based on the self view “I can meditate at Amaravati, but I cant in my house or in London…” “I got some really good Samadhi at Amaravati [Monastery] but I lost it” dont believe that, different place….. its a different situation…Amaravati [Monastery] is like THIS, where you live is like THIS, where you work is like THIS.
Ajahn Sumedho
Transcribed by James Ball
For more on Ajahn Sumedho see: www.amaravati.org
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